In this respect, Surgeon Simulator is like a complex version of Operation. You can stop bleeding with the blue syringe but if you’re too dopey about it and botch the surgery and your patient bleeds out, you lose. Poking and prodding around or using tools improperly (like an electric drill to remove a lung) simply causes even more blood loss at an even faster rate. Further, if you happen to miss with your scalpel, take a buzzsaw to his insides, cut the wrong bit of intestine or accidentally drag your surgical laser across his face, you’ll inevitably cause a little bleeding. You are being timed, Doctor, and you’ll be graded on your performance. I mean, I guess it’s alright if you drop the old and new organs back in the chest cavity? If he ends up with too many organs… “More organs means more human! It will work.” Come Hell or high water, or dropping your tools out of reach, or dropping your tools inside the patient’s open crevice, or dropping the replacement organs on the floor. “Climb in the back with your head in the clouds, and you’re gone… Lucy in the sky with diamonds… Lucy in the sky with diamonds…”īut hallucinogenic drugs or no, you’ve got to hurry on with the procedure. The only cure is more cowbell the blue fluid in the next syringe, if you can find it and shoot yourself up with it. And it’s even worse if you happen to stab your hand on a syringe of green fluid and inject yourself with a trippy anesthetic. “Oops, dropped mah watch…”Īiming with your tools is like being a pirate with two eyepatches. Except with Surgeon Simulator, instead of a baby shoving something like a pea into a salivating orifice, you’re a surgeon with the motor skills of a baby shoving sharp objects like scalpels into your patient’s bleeding orifice. Messy and inept doesn’t even begin to encapsulate what that’s like. Imagine a baby trying to learn to pick up a kernel of corn for the first time. I need to rupture his appendix.”Īnd it’s much harder than it sounds. These controls are all you have available to you to pick up any of the multiple utensils, tools, machinery, organs, or garbage lying around your workspace. The PlayStation camera can also get in on the controlling action. Tilting the controller allows you to raise and lower and turn the wrist. Shoulder buttons are used to raise the whole arm up and down, and to pinch the index and thumb digits together or close the remaining three fingers, making a fist. I played the PS4 version (based on the original Surgeon Simulator 2013) so bear that in mind as I describe. The simulation is set in first-person view and you can control a single hand and arm up to the elbow. You can choose to dive right into a heart transplant or dental surgery if you like, or you can spend a few minutes trying to fit a floppy disk into the computer to view simple tutorials… or you can just shove everything off your desk in a fit of aimlessness. The game begins at your desk with a clipboard in front of you containing information on your patient and their procedure, or options and trophies. Okay, so his name is officially Doctor Nigel Burke and he’s operating in the UK. How to describe Surgeon Simulator beyond its name? You play as a one-handed surgeon named Doctor Seemslegit. But be warned, this game is not for the squeamish. If there’s nothing else to be said about Surgeon Simulator in the dissecting review to follow this paragraph, there’s this: the game made me genuinely laugh out loud. The concept of trying to perform something that requires as much precision and accuracy as surgery with controls that are imprecise, clumsy at best, is genius-level hilarious. I’d hope you’d know by now how infinitely un-prone to exaggeration we are around here. “Language is the means of getting an idea from my brain into yours without surgery.”īossa Studios’ Surgeon Simulator is one of the funniest games I’ve played in my life, and that’s not just brainless hyperbole.
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